Declaring Victory Over Depression Journey

Posted by admin on March 19, 2015

Have you ever been down and depressed?  Well, you've come to the right place...Welcome!!  Grab a cup of coffee, and hang out for a while.

Hi, my name is Myhriah Young, and I am on a new journey, Declaring Victory Over Depression.  I realized early in December of 2014 that I had depression.  Let me tell you a brief story of how I discovered it.

It was a Monday, and I was in my Weight Watcher's meeting, as I am every Monday.  I was actually having a pretty crummy morning.  I woke up knowing I was going to be UP on the scale, and I was feeling tired and cranky.  My daughter did something to annoy me, and I shockingly screamed at her to get her to do what I wanted her to do (that is NOT normal for me, a stern voice, and a, "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you," are usually sufficient to get my point across), and I was pretty much making the decision to be grumpy.  I dropped my kids off at school, and truly debated about going to my WW meeting, I really didn't want to go!!  REALLY!! REALLY!!  However, my foot seemed to be on autopilot, so I arrived.

Funny thing, I actually was DOWN on the scale, so that started my feeling happier.  Then as my leader was asking probing questions, and as I was thinking about my previous week, I realized that I had actually had a pretty great week, as far as my weight loss was concerned-I was mostly being hard on myself for something I had done over the weekend.  I started to cheer up considerably-being around nice people, hearing other people's stories, and just feeling motivated was giving me a great boost in my joy, energy & motivation.  As we continued our discussion, I kind of started to blur out what was being said, and thought to myself, 'Wait a minute, what is going on with me?  WHY was I so grumpy this morning, and now that I'm in my meeting, I'm happy again?  AND, WHY do I feel so motivated on Mondays directly after my meeting, but then the next day, NO by the evening, NO the next hour do I feel so down and ready to quit again?"  I thought about all the times I remembered telling my husband or a dear friend that I had had a depressing day, or week, or that I'm just in a funk that I can't seem to get out of, and I truly began to grasp the fact that this had been an ongoing issue for quite some time-at least 4 years, since the last time I had been doing what I loved-teaching at the little school I used to teach at.  IT HIT ME LIKE A SAC OF BRICKS-IT WASN'T THE WEIGHT I WAS FIGHTING, IT WAS DEPRESSION!!!

On the way home, I prayed about WHAT  to do.  The fact that I had allowed this to go on for so long really caught me off guard.  NOW DON'T TAKE THE FOLLOWING OFFENSIVELY PLEASE-I know now that I had been suffering from wrong thinking-I JUST DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I JUST DIDN'T KNOW!!  But this IS a part of my story, so it has to be in here-even if I'm ashamed of it:  I had always considered myself to be a pretty happy, upbeat person, how could I have Depression?  I also had not been a person to be very sympathetic when I would hear that someone was dealing with a "mental condition" such as being diagnosed as Bipolar, or having depression, or ADD, or anything like that.  I always felt it was an excuse to NOT do what needed to get done, or to be intrusive to those around you.  I had watched this play out previously with a few people in my life, and quite frankly, I didn't have much tolerance for that kind of behavior!!  And I still don't.  Please don't misunderstand me here, I don't mean to be harsh, I still don't feel like these things should be justifications to be a jerk, but I now KNOW and APPREHEND that these types of conditions can make it MORE difficult to just do the every day, normal things in life.  The truth was, when I looked at the evidence, I HAD been doing THE very things that ANNOYED me to the people around me-I just had been using OTHER rationalizations, and not REALLY calling the problem what it was.  Now it had a NAME, an IDENTITY, and I could no longer let it go without accountability!!

I understood right away that IDENTIFYING this issue was not going to be an excuse to be mean or down all the time.  Instead, NAMING it needed to mean that it was time to STOP what I was doing, and figure out HOW to move forward from there!!  When I got home, I had a ton of information SWIMMING around in my head, and I knew I had to write it ALL down (this is just how I process things!!)  I knew what my HINDRANCES were (these were the things I would blame my bad days on, and they could TAKE ME OUT for the day, a couple of days, or sometimes even a whole week), and I knew what my HELPERS were (these were the things that would uplift me and give me energy throughout my day).  I also was able to identify a few things that were GIVENS (these were things I NEEDED to do every day such as exercise, my quiet time-reading the Bible, prayer, mediation, etc.).  I also knew  WHO I needed to call upon for help.  I wrote out 2 pages, front and back, in my journal, and when I finished, I had a plan of action, and a strategy.

I have to tell you that I have been working my plan since that day (Today is March 5, 2015 that I am writing this), and not every day is perfect.  In fact, occasionally it happens that I do everything I know I need to do, and I still can't SHAKE OFF the down feeling.  Sometimes when that happens, I will just allow myself to rest, or I will FAKE IT UNTIL I MAKE IT, forcing myself to be joyful, so that I can move forward with my day.  I can't always control whether or not one of my HINDRANCES might happen throughout a day, so I also have to have a plan in place for WHAT action I will take if they do happen, so that I don't allow them to control my attitude.  At least I am aware of them now...

In February 2015, I felt that I had moved forward enough to start pursuing SOMETHING.  I didn't totally know WHAT, but I had some ideas.  I was ready to start using the TOOLS I had created in my plan to start chasing some kind of a DREAM (I am very entrepreneurial, with lots of ideas), so I set off trying to figure out what that would be.  I knew that WHATEVER I decided to do, it had to somehow incorporate my Depression Journey, Battling Depression (which is what I was calling it at the time).  I had been talking to lots of people about my journey (in an upbeat, but honest way), and was surprised at the responses I was getting, and HOW many people were struggling with the same things AND that the things I told them I was working on THAT day, it would be something they could completely relate to.  AFTER searching for a while, and coming up against multiple "road blocks," I heard pretty clearly, "WHY are you trying to find a new TOPIC, you HAVE the topic you need to pursue!!"  WOW!!  That was the truth.  When I thought about all the things I could do videos on, or write about around the topic of moving forward in depression, I realized there was so much that I could do!!  AND I needed to do it!!  For myself!!  If it helped others, that would be a BONUS!!

I was prayed over at my church almost immediately after that decision, and there was a dream that someone had about me, but I won't go over that now.  Through that process though, I clearly heard it was time to change my words from BATTLING DEPRESSION to DECLARING VICTORY OVER DEPRESSION.  It didn't mean that I wasn't still in the middle of the battle, it meant that I knew I would have VICTORY, I would WIN!!  What I needed to do was figure out HOW to find freedom in my life, and allow each area of my life to become a BEACON of light, and not something that weighed me down, and that is where my focus was birthed:  FINDING FREEDOM IN EVERYDAY LIFE!!

Wrapping up, I want to thank you, if you made it this far, for reading about my journey.  I hope you will join me.  I am very excited to be working on these things myself, and I hope that my journey of VICTORY will be helpful for you.  I would love to hear about YOUR journey, especially since I don't have ALL the answers.  The truth is, something you say may be very helpful for me or others!!  I can't wait to have lots of discussions.  Till then FIND FREEDOM in your life, and PLEASE SHARE your experiences...

Myhriah Young